Fan the embers

dark cavern of my mind time

2009-11-23T14:38:20Z

I wonder
is my friendship and loyalty so worthless?
seems like I get rewarded with lies, back-stabbery and false accusations for being a good friend.
hmm
and the people this pertains to will never read this, so I'm just putting it out to the universe in general.
and not really dealing with the problem at all
so, yeah
kthnxbye

no peace

2009-11-16T15:39:02Z

I keep saying, I wish there was a pill or an exercise I could do to allow myself to let things go.
To just stop this craziness and guilt over things that happened, that I can't change, but keep playing over and over in my head.
Turn my brain OFF of the past and move on to now and better things.
Let it go Susie, just let it go.

brain dump

2009-11-03T14:23:51Z

I need you to make me happy
not to live, or breathe, or exist
I want you to want me
but human nature is to want what we don't already have
why would you want something you already have? you have it!
I love you for who you are and all the potential you posses
I don't love who you could be, or who I could change you into

confession

2009-09-02T13:04:51Z

a teeny, tiny smile crept onto my face when I found out that Jacob has gone psycho
I don't wish him bad or anything, and I didn't ask for an update
it just fell in my lap
and I smiled
k, bye

now taking applications

2009-08-03T18:14:55Z

for a best friend
must be non-judgmental, a non-spaz, and not having a life-crisis/event of their own.
cuz, man, I could really use a listening ear sometimes...especially today.
stupid how some things come sneaking up at you like they do

total unadulterated randomness

2009-07-12T02:35:51Z

and, I haven't posted in a while since school has kind of sucked my life away!

Why I love Robbie's family:
we went to visit with the Dad and siblings and kids. We hung out, and everyone behaved.
Walking back to the camper conversation
Me: humity ho, blabbity blah blah
Pickle: I'm sorry, I didn't hear a single word you just said, I was too busy staring at your ass.
Both: bwahahahahaha!

Vermont was awesome, again. I want a jetted tub.

I'm going to make jam tomorrow. Hopefully I don't screw it up too bad, and don't kill my mother in the process!

Wheee!

Oh yeah, I started a website, you should read it and leave comments, cuz its rad.
www.myfinancematters.com

this just in

2009-06-19T02:10:56Z

not sure when exactly it happened, but my mother and I switched roles somehow.
ugh
today she asks me if she can move in with me
uh, I don't really have the room right now mom
well, I was thinking about staying out in the garage
uh, no, that is NOT a livable space, its dirty and full of crap
oh yeah, and its always hot out there in the summer
yeah, there's no air circulation
and then begins the dribble of how awful Mo is and how she can't do whatever she wants

so, this is my life
she's my mother and I love her
but there is a really GOOD effing reason I moved out the DAY I turned 18
because if I had stayed in the house, we would have killed each other

sigh

{runs away!}

sick

2009-06-08T13:53:22Z

so, I was sick all last week, and this post shows me going from my yucky mindset into today's which is much improved thanks to a solid 8 of sleep!

I'm sick
sick of being sick
sick of not being able to breathe or sleep
sick of everyone being doctors
sick of lame excuses
sick of lies
sick of bad news
sick of too much perfume!

but then I realize, there is always someone out there who has it worse than me, and I feel bad for venting about stupid stuff.
thank Universe, so letting me always find balance, one way or another!

back to good

2009-05-18T13:49:23Z

And back in the gratitude attitude

1. seeing friends that I haven't seen in 6ish years, and having the mileage be a biz expense
2. having the forethought to burn some educational CD's for myself for the 2+ hour drive
3. being myself again
4. rocking Cureoke and breaking records/goals
5. adding another to the Fireflies!

Woe

2009-05-15T15:01:38Z

Thanks to Jon & Kate plus 8, I'm thinking some thoughts I haven't thought in a long time.
Those little pangs of hurt and disappointment are creeping back into my soul.
And I just want to put this out into the Universe one last time, and maybe that will be the end of it.

Dear Jacob,
Nine years is a long time, its about a third of my life. We will always have that.
But one thing I will always have is the pain of you not fighting for me, or for us.
That's what makes me cry, that's what broke my heart.
And I also realize it was what I needed at the time for me to make the decision to let you go.
And someday, I'll be okay with that.
Someday soon.
~Sue

Next week I'll be back to good ol' spunky Susie Fire, promise.

catching up

2009-05-06T13:52:04Z

I am absolutely out of my mind busy with Cureoke coming up and school and Athena's and OMG, life.
So yeah, I'm not going to even try to think this week.
Loves,
SK

Thanks

2009-05-01T14:59:47Z

1. that it is FRIDAY
2. I am in such a good mood, I am only distantly thinking about throwing staplers
3. snuzzles
4. laughing so hard I tear up
5. rocking hosts

til next time
~Sue

Gratitude

2009-04-30T13:41:20Z

today's edition

1. boss men being on vacation
2. sending off the check to Sampler House
3. class getting canceled so I can take a much needed break
4. free stuff
5. bike rides!

Hearts & Stars,
Sue

Gratitude

2009-04-29T13:19:45Z

feeling much better today, guess I just needed a break!

1. Cureoke plans are finished
2. progress, in any shape and time
3. Pandora radio and making new stations for my mood
4. caught up on studies
5. the office to myself, all day!

get my exam back tonight, fingers crossed!
~SK

request

2009-04-28T16:14:59Z

someone please take my sanity from me
I certainly don't need it anymore

Day Off

2009-04-28T12:44:29Z

I just don't have the energy to put on the happy gratitude face today.
Sorry
~SK

whole lotta thanks

2009-04-27T13:15:58Z

This shall be a combo entry for reasons held within.

1. going an entire weekend nearly computer free
2. friends concern about my well-being
3. not feeling like I want to vom when I go past a certain business in Barrington
4. the hand on the leg when I'm driving home and the happy noises and smiles to follow
5. seeing all good people
6. being able to shut up about a topic and immediately feel better
7. knowing I have no control over others actions
8. sleeping in
9. 5 minutes of rain this morning to help me fall back to sleep
10. crock pot meals that feed everyone that shows up

Giving thanks

2009-04-24T12:49:14Z

5 more for this beautiful Friday!

1. making reservations for a weekend get away in Burlington VT
2. weather temps that don't require bundling and layers
3. being able to help someone else's dream along
4. asparagus
5. fitting in my pants

Hope you all get to enjoy the beautiful weekend we have in store for us!
~SK

Gratituding

2009-04-23T12:58:23Z

I'm still in the game, here's 5 more for you!

1. not bombing my exam
2. finding a gas station a few cents cheaper
3. having a professor that actually gives a damn
4. shower kisses
5. friends that listen

"til tomorrow!
Peace out,
SEK

Gratitude

2009-04-22T13:04:45Z

A few more...

1. starfishing
2. having dinner made for me
3. insurance bills going down
4. relay stuff coming together
5. happy emails

'til tomorrow!
Love, peace & chicken grease,
SEK

spark

2009-04-21T14:59:33Z

Another edition of gratitude, Susie Fire style.

1. finding pomegranate tea at Walmart {been looking for a few months now}
2. rainy nights that make me sleep the deep sleep
3. little spooning
4. someone else cooking dinner
5. having a kick ass kitchen

Gratitude: Weekend edition

2009-04-20T14:22:13Z

I'm going to cheat and combine the weekend, because well, I can.

Friday I had a lot to be grateful for!
1. Half day of work
2. walks on the beach
3. sticking my toes in the ocean {freezing!}
4. having dinner almost done for me when we got back
5. seeing old friends after 12 years

Saturday & Sunday:
1. bebe visits!
2. hanging out with friends
3. becoming a Mamma Goddess!
4. feeling the sister Goddess goodie vibes
5. coming home to a caring and understanding man who takes care of me without question and very little hesitation

Thanks

2009-04-17T14:30:15Z

Another 5 things, woot!

1. open houses that we are the only ones attending so we get all the info we need!
2. not going in until 10am on a Friday
3. having a great sense of accomplishment before I even get to the J-O-B
4. crock pots
5. getting my filing done so I have clear workspace

'til tomorrow, peace out home skillet
~Susiefire

More thanks giving {less the turkey}

2009-04-16T12:58:00Z

5 more things that I am thankful for!

1. professors that teach instead of throwing up Power Point slides
2. tax season's end!
3. cuddles on demand
4. friends that understand me
5. finding new recipes to try

Might possibly have tomorrow off! SQUEEEE

Til next time,
SEK

Thanks

2009-04-15T13:54:24Z

Today's edition of gratitude!

1. how much my attitude has changed after just one week doing this journal
2. being the "go to" person and having the knowledge somewhere in my brain about taxes
3. Aleve
4. text messaging
5. facebook finding friends :-)

'til tomorrow!
~SK